I am starting a grassroots campaign to restore the good name of the good Southern phrase "bless your heart." Somewhere along the line, someone (ahem...Yankee) decided that "bless your heart" was really a veiled insult. That anything could be said, no matter how ugly, if it was followed by "bless your/his/her heart." I think it started as a joke but has begun to be accepted as gospel.
This is not true. An insult is an insult, no matter how many hearts are blessed in the making. And, generally speaking, Southerners do not offer gratuitous insults, especially veiled ones. If we are going to put you down in some way, you are going to know it and you will probably deserve it. We may use some colorful analogies. For instance, in my father's hometown of Hartford, Alabama, people who marched to their own drums were described as "crazy as old Bill Calhoun." No, I don't know who he was and I'm not sure anyone does, but he was the benchmark for crazy and no hearts were blessed in the describing.
In fact, blessing someone's heart is a lovely thing to do. The phrase may be used as an expression of gratitude as in "You are so sweet to bring me some banana bread, bless your heart!" Or sympathy, i.e. "Did you hear that his mother passed away? Bless his heart, they were always so close." Or even relief such as "Bless your heart! I didn't know what I was going to do stuck out here with this flat tire and no spare!" Let me add that these phrases are frequently spoken to strangers who have brought banana bread, sadly spoken of a mutual friend's death or stopped to change a tire. That's how we roll in the South.
In none of these examples is "bless your heart" meant to be snarky or sarcastic. In all of them, it is used for emphasis to show how much the gesture means. I have always used - and will continue to use - "bless your heart" in its original, sweet meaning. I hope that everyone will join with me in restoring its good name and intention.
The world has plenty of snark and sarcasm these days. What we really need are more blessings - of everything, but especially hearts.
I enjoyed reading this today - I got home from work a little while ago, and found this pleasant interlude in my inbox. This is my very favorite blog.
ReplyDeleteSusan, first off, congrats on the redemption of your blog given your first post! I really enjoyed this post. Some might call me "Yankee" as I am native to Manhattan. I think of myself though as a citizen of the world. I've lived in Asia, seven different states in the U.S. and have traveled to six of the seven continents. When I walk down the streets of Jaipur, India, for example, or one of my favorite cities, Saigon/Ho Chi Minh, until I open my mouth, no one knows I'm from the U.S., let alone, from any particular region. My appearance and deportment are that global. Also, both my parents were born, raised and spent some measure of their young adulthood in the southern United States (Virginia and South Carolina.)
ReplyDeleteGrowing up in the big city of Nueva York, I remember my mother's many "southernisms." I thought they were Maryisms until I started to travel as a teen and young woman in my 20s and got to know other cultures across America. "Bless her heart" was one that I began to learn was not specific to my mother. It was, indeed, a "southern thang."
On occasion, when I would use the phrase while living many years in New England, I recall that people would laugh. I always wondered why. It was not until a few years ago another "Yankee" from California told me her interpretation of the phrase -- as a veiled insult. I said, "Really? My mother was a southerner and used it all the time. That's certainly not how I mean it."
That said, as I reflect on the many contexts in which my mother used "Bless her heart" I recall that it often had a "she tried her best" tone to it. Not pure blessing. Not an insult. In my mother's world, "Bless her heart" was more a recognition of effort that perhaps had fallen short but was nonetheless appreciated. On the rare occasions now that I use it I admit to continuing to be under my mother's influence a born and bred southerner to her bones.
Thank you, Marcy. You are my favorite cousin!
ReplyDeleteVery thoughtful post, Gina. I think you make a very good point about "bless your heart" also being used as an expression of acceptance and tolerance for someone who may have fallen short, personally or in some endeavour.
ReplyDeletePerhaps that use is the origin of the "joke" that it can be used to cover over an insult. We know that it is said with a smile and a shake of the head to mean "Oh, that's okay. I love you anyway." But, in an effort to be humorous, someone interpreted that "bless your heart" to have an edge and to paper over a "You idiot! How could you do that?"
Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman and someone I would have liked a lot. And, I take your point about the Yankees and should have followed my instinct not to use that. As I just explained on Facebook, "I need to clarify that someone from a northern state is not inherently a Yankee. I have some lovely friends who are from the "upper South." However, only a true Yankee would corrupt such a sweet phrase!"